Finally, test cricket and I was all excited to see some sanity and so called real quality prevail. However after watching 5 overs of the match, it was evident that this match was turning out to be a borefest.

Was the crowd from a chess match where all the ‘oohs and aahs’ come every time a chess move is made? Probably specifically, it was a golf crowd.

By the time the first few overs were bowled, New Zealand already lost their top half and they should be kicking themselves for getting out to very ordinary bowling.

The recent success for Sidebottom seem to have paid off in terms of free beers and lunches all over England. The bloat on sidebottom was evident but there was still that sexy smile (oh hello Ladies, am back…. gaaaaw).

Neither Anderson nor Sidebottom got any real swing going and I was wondering if this was a sub-continental pitch. How in the world New Zealand lost those early wickets is a mystery, as big as Vaughan’s black jocks slipping off in the field.

To top this all, there was Anderson missing a sitter of a chance to throw the ball to the fielder to get a run out going. Typically England with all their plethora of alibi’s, there was immediately the support crew rendering eye drops to Anderson. How exciting!

Kevin Peiterson’s attempt for a catch was better than most of the IPL cheerleader moves. In fact, it reminded me of Marilyn Munroe’s famous photograph of her skirt flying.

Vaughan was there smiling so blissfully that it would have made Bucknor very proud, for all the lost chances that went by.

Ross Taylor who was disastrous in the practice matches got going with all the foreplay (cheers to SP for coining the term ‘foreplay cricketer’) but the much needed thrust to finish the job.

The hero of the day was yet again Brendon “MChammer” Mccullum who pounded a lovely 90 odd runs. He will be kicking himself thinking about the number of centuries in the recent past he has missed. But this dude is almost everything about New Zealand cricket now.

When Stuart Broad came on to bowl, there was swing, so it was the case of Sidebottom & co at the top not being able to use it… but there can’t be much complaints considering New Zealand sent in their suicide squad to bat. The boy band reject, Broad just became much more annoying after remodeling his hairstyle on all those absurd and silly Leonardo Dicaprio look-alike comments by his giggling fan base of prom rejects. Thankfully, sanity prevailed in not letting me bash up my TV.

Day 2… Oram and Vettori will try to build on. Looks like an yawn fest in the offering… amen.