The big day came and there was it, full of the promised entertainment, dancing girls, performance artists, savage hungry crowd and fireworks that actually stole the show. What was really annoying was the on-field hosts, TV commentators and everybody associated with the event going forever on an overzealous note of self-praising on the opening entertainment.

Oh! Look at the cheerleaders, I have never seen someone like that.
Oh! Look at the performance artists
Oh! Look at the lights
Oh! Look at the barber, tonsuring his own head
Oh! Look a the gardener watering a beautiful cactus
Oh! Look at the cute girlfriend getting coed by her boyfriend

Marvelous. Stupendous, oH! oooH! oHoh!

After endless tom-toms of how they have never seen anything like this, one would assume the action would finally start.

But before that we ought to mention how Vijay Mallya, used this opportunity to bombard every damn space available to market his products. There was a Kingfisher here, an RC everywhere, his F1 car brought in and all his executives including Mallya was dressed in the team outfits. It is ok if someone is fit enough to fit into the team outfits and look good. But when you have some fat old unfit executives with huge beer bellies masquerading in the RC team outfits, it is annoying.  If Vijay Mallya bent down to pick up a piece of paper, the chances are, people would catch a glimpse of his jocks having an RC logo on it!! Ok, sorry! One butt crack too many!

Ravi Shastri tried to lend a feverish almost opera style voice that cracked up in a bid to outdo Jim Ross of the WWE. Gavaskar went on some MCC spirit of the game which no one gave a shit about. The action unfolded.

This was a newly laid pitch and what a pitch it was. By far the best Indian pitch I have ever seen. It was a fast pitch, had swing and almost a perth like bounce to it. And the ball even spins on this track and is great for batting. A perfect pitch sadly put in for the shortened version of the game.

Then it was McCullum, the MC hammer of cricket all the way, whacking every bowler to their ancestors in Africa. Incredible shots and a huge effort to hit a 150 score in T20 cricket. For the Royal Sloshers, only Praveen Kumar looked good with the ball and he too was pummeled by MC Hammer.

Cameroon White came on to bowl. The last time I saw him bowl, he was shit then. Yesterday he was compo-shite.

Somebody please tell this dude to stop bowling and do his batting where there is some talent. Has this dude ever completed an entire spell in his career? The last time I watched him play as a “spinning all-rounder” (beat that!), he would end up with figures of 2 overs, 26 runs, 3 overs 35 runs. Anybody who encourages this guy to bowl in a match has to be downright castrated!

My wife joined me to watch the match and broke off in a laugh saying “poor guy, he must be forever teased for having a name like Ashley NoF@CK! Nofke with an extended “e” was nervous throughout and also after the match, as though Whoopie Goldberg was out to kiss him. To be fair to the sweet guy, this would be a great experience for him to play in India.

As for the Royal Sloshers, any team that has Sunil Joshi in it doesn’t deserve my sympathy and at the worst would invoke my wrath. Rahul might have quietly wanted to prove a point of fielding a team with guys shunned away for T20 and when it all backfired, he perhaps may realize that reality is an extended hang-over.

Ishanth made Rahul look like a fool and Ganguly actually bowled well and picked wickets! Rest assured that the sloshers would not have slept well.

The rider’s boss Sharukh Khan was trying hard to act excited and pumped up which will probably bring him a screen award for the best performance in actually trying to convince people that he loves cricket.

It was a rocking full house in Bangalore and Kolkatta is next with 1 lakh expected! An incredible response that has sprung up in the last few days. Whether such numbers are sustainable for 42 days are debatable, but it will still remain more than healthy. It is left now for India to prove.