Tomorrow would be the most anticipated day of the launch of the evil empire IPL. So be very afraid!

The IPL is here. Period.

The BCCI is going to take over the cricketing world.

Yes, they will also invade your bedroom, steal your undies, your girlfriend and also your favourite porn collection.

Our cricketers will retire early.

What better excuse is available now to throw out your home team players that don’t suck up to your captain and the establishment. After all brilliant players like Damien Martyn, Katich, Inzamam and Pollock were not good for you anymore.

You also don’t need a crane to push out well established but old players who refuse to retire like Sanath Jayasuriya, Vaas, Fleming, Styris, the whole Indian team and Akhtar.

The IPL will steal all our players from participating in domestic matches.

Does anyone give a shit about your domestic tournaments anyway. Give me a break!

All our best players like White, Nofke, D. Hussey, Watson, Pomersbach, Geeves, Bosman, Ronchi have sucked up to the evil BCCI’s money.

Who are these f@*k$ anyway? A bunch of unknown f@*k$, fringe players at their best, which the world doesn’t give a shit about anyway. At least they will be somebody now, a household name.

Michael Clarke and Peiterson are the only real cricketers that didn’t suck up. Yay! Yay!

Kevin has already done a u-turn. We all know he ain’t too bright just like his half-half brother Symonds. For Clarke, it will be a matter of 5 failures before he will receive a stream of eggs thrown at him by the same fans, lose his hot girlfriend who doesn’t want to be with a baby-faced loser with a small d!@k and face endless wanker shouts. Realization will dawn that he could have used that money to buy an egg-proof car and have a Bollywood actress as a back-up.

The English Board and sections of the media have been singing about the doom of the local county cricket.

As it is the county circuits suck big time. They need a bunch of overseas players to field a half-decent team of 11. Their under 19 team is overrun by immigrants who are now British. For me English county cricket is like having Sandra bullock come in front of you, strip, do a pole dance and you still won’t get a hard on. Given a choice I would rather watch endless re-runs of Sandra Bullock combing her hair than English county cricket.

Cricket fans all over the world will be forced to see Brett Lee, Watson, Akhtar and the ever annoying Sreesanth in boring Bollywood flicks with Mark Nicholas and Arun Lal as voice over artists, which will be screened in every stadium, schools, mental correction institutions and on your playstations.

Ok, you got me… That is indeed a great calamity, much bigger than global warming.

Is there anything you can do about it?

Nothing just suck up!

News around the world:

Shaun Tait says he is coming back (re-run the joke).

Steve Harmison has vowed to come back (gets better doesn’t it).

Marcus Trescothick has started ASCP (Association of sensitive cricket players). Needless to say, Tait is VP – marketing.